I saw my counselor again today and had one of the most intense sessions I think I’ve ever had. All of the feelings, the seeking, the anxiety, even the depression that usually comes this time of year all came to a head this morning.
My counselor took notes on what I was saying and made a copy for me. She says this is what we really need to work on. It is as if the chemical part of the depression and anxiety is more or less stabilized so now the rest of what I keep locked inside can finally come out.
I read her notes on the way home and was sobbing again. I wanted to share them here but I don’t have the energy to go through it again. I will try again after Shabbos.
I am exhausted and shaking. Already I feel like I spent that hour in counseling just whining and complaining about “poor me.” My husband came with me today because I was in no shape to drive and he thought this might be a good session for his input (it was) and he says I did a lot of very hard emotional work and hopefully this means I can start to heal.
I am still afraid I am being too self-absorbed but I am too tired to argue.